At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
