I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
