Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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