i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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