Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize