i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
