Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
