I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
