I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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