I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
