fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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