wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
