I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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