i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
