I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
