Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
