So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
