the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Two words: blizzard sex
How does one acquire holy water?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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