Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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