your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
