This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
