I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
