3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize