my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize