I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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