I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
