We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
