i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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