i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
