i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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