I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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