spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
