Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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