What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize