No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
