where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
