whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
