he thought i was a dude.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
