i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
