i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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