Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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