I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
