Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
