wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
