i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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