I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
