At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
