At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
