Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
