I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
