got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize