OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
