Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
