you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
