it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
