Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize