Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize