At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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