I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
