I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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