So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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