He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
