Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
