I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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