So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
