I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
