Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
