you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
