Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
